I was just in a meeting last night with a Board of Directors group and there were a few times that the buzzing noise from someone’s phone (very politely set on “vibrate”) was so loud that you couldn’t help but be distracted. The person talking never missed a beat, but I can assure you most of us missed a chunk of what they had to say.

Listening is hard work. As I wrote to you last time it takes a definite level of intentionality to press through the myriad of distractions that come at us. There are actually three different levels of listening we engage in and only one of them is the kind that will result in greater leadership impact with the people that matter to you.

You can be a better listener.

Let’s take a quick look at the three levels, how you can recognize which one you are in, and how to get to the right place in your listening quickly.

THREE LEVELS OF LISTENING

Level 1 – This is where most people spend most of their time. Level 1 listening is passive, distracted, and tunes in and out. We’ve all experienced being listened to like this more often than we care to remember.

Unfortunately, I have a very embarrassing example of this from my own career. I was informed by some of my team members, many years ago, that I had a bad habit. When they would come into my office to ask a question I would slightly turn my chair to look at them, but I distinctly kept my fingers poised on my computer keyboard waiting for the moment they would leave so I could return to my all-important task.

I thought I was giving them my full attention, but once they pointed it out to me and I had time to reflect and evaluate, it became very clear to me that only half my attention (and that is probably being generous to myself) was really being given to them. My mind was still engaged with my task.

Another aspect of Level 1 listening is what is called the “internal conversation.” It’s that conversation you are having with yourself, in your head, while the other person is talking to you. We may think we are listening, but science has proven that our brains are not capable of doing two cognitive activities at the same time. You cannot be talking to yourself and listening to the other person.

The simplest way to move from Level 1 to Level 2 is simply being intentional about it. Taking deliberate steps to remove and shut out the distractions is not hard, but you have to make a conscious decision to do it and stay with it.

Level 2 – This is better, because there is actual engagement in the conversation, but it still has significant downfalls associated with it.

The first layer of weakness is that Level 2 listening is distorted by an autobiographical perspective. This is where we hear what they are saying, but interpret it based on our own perspective and not theirs. At this level we make assumptions and jump to conclusions based on our own history. The main problem with this is that in most cases, their experience, and how they perceive it, is rarely the same as our own. Their story is not our story.

The second layer of weakness is that Level 2 listening is too focused on problem-solving. It is overly intent on fixing and moving on – a very short-term perspective. Therefore, too much cognitive attention is being given to formulating responses, which precludes you from actually listening to all that the person is saying and getting the complete, accurate picture.

As a result of this autobiographical, problem-solving frame of reference, Level 2 listeners have a tendency to interrupt with advice rather than listening intently and asking powerful questions. As a leader who wants to produce other leaders, I am much more interested in helping the person learn how to become an excellent problem-solver than I am in solving this particular problem.

The simplest and quickest way to move from Level 2 to Level 3 is to engage your curiosity and pay attention to the person’s nonverbals.

Level 3 – This is active listening. I wrote about this last time. This is where we want to get and remain as leaders. It validates and empowers, deepens and expands the person to whom we are listening. It is absolutely and positively one of the simplest and quickest ways to grow others and grow your influence with them.

That is what leadership is all about. Be a better listener.

Question: What is the biggest pitfall for you when it comes to listening? Share your answer in the Comment section.

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