I have also seen the difference active listening has made in my relationship with my wife, my children and my team members.

In a world full of noise, what is the best way to get someone’s attention? Listen to them. I mean really listen to them. The person I referred to above went on to talk about the enormous difference that this conversation made in her engagement with her goals and dreams.

People today are starved for authentic relationships. Because of this, and with the introduction of the millennial generation into the labor force, I am convinced that being a highly skilled listener has risen to the top of the list of skills required to be a truly great leader.

Here are five, simple aspects of listening that will take your skills to a new level of influence with others.

WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING?

1. It is highly intentional. This is something you have to make your mind up about ahead of time. This doesn’t happen by accident or because you are naturally not talkative. Whoever you are, great listening happens on purpose.

2. It is focused on the speaker. We live in a world that is full of distractions. Actually, it is overflowing with distractions. With our smartphones, tablets, laptops, earbuds, and a multitude of notifications on those devices, it is important to turn all of that other noise off – literally if possible.

3. It is pressed forward by curiosity. The more curious you are, the closer you’ll listen. Curiosity is key to generating powerful questions and will naturally drive the conversation deeper.

4. It goes beyond words. The percentages vary by study, but the research has shown that anywhere from 80-94% of communication is nonverbal. That means that as little as 6% of what the other person is trying to get across to you has to do with the words they choose. Things like body language, facial gestures, tone, and pace carry much more weight in a conversation. We must pay attention to what the person is not saying even more than to what they are saying.

5. It paraphrases, summarizes, and restates. This is textbook active listening. It’s important to repeat back either exactly, or in your own words (the situation dictates which is more effective), what you heard the person say. This validates that you are actually listening, gives an opportunity to check for understanding (on both sides), and is very powerful in creating clarity for the person speaking.

This would be the place for using metaphors to express what you heard. Years ago I was working with a man who was deeply frustrated by his situation at work. After listening for a while, I stated, “You sound like a caged lion.” There was a pause on the other end of the line and then he responded, “That is exactly how I feel.” At that moment, he knew I was right with him and understood him. That was a powerful moment for him.

PRACTICE MAKES PERMANENT

When I finished my first 16-week coach training course back in 2007 I still remember thinking about how much I needed to improve as a listener. I can honestly say that I have improved a great deal and it is something I am still very intentional about.

One of the great things about active listening is that it is a skill that can be learned and mastered. However, if there is one thing I have learned about being a great listener, it’s that it takes practice.

You’ve heard the saying, “Practice makes perfect.” That isn’t completely true. My old basketball coach in grade school used to say, “Perfect practice makes perfect.” And then I heard a new one on the Andy Stanley podcast last week, “Practice makes permanent.” I like that one and think it is very telling.

Following these steps is the best way to get someone’s attention.

Question: What is one thing you can do today to take steps towards becoming a great listener? Share your answer in the Comment section.

Seize the day!