Two posts ago I stated that the strength of your relationships will determine the amount of leadership capacity you possess. Last time I wrote about the importance of your ordinary daily conversations and how they have the power to strengthen the relationships you have within your team.

While I emphasized the importance of listening, that’s only half of the formula for great conversations. Certainly intentional, skilled listening is critical to healthy relationships, but there is a partner skill that, if you master it, will lift your leadership to new levels. Guaranteed.

This other half of the equation is something that is counter-intuitive for many of us as leaders, especially those who are new to leadership positions. I’ve had numerous conversations with leaders at various levels over the years and there is one thing that almost everyone assumes is expected of them the moment they get that promotion to “Manager.” They assume that being a manager or leader means that you are supposed to have all the answers.

There is one BIG problem with that. Your team knows that you don’t. And so do you…at least those of you who are honest with yourselves. Let’s take a look at a powerful component for your conversations and some very simple advice on this “other half” that will help you succeed.

THE OTHER HALF OF THE EQUATION

Along with listening, we need to employ the skill of asking powerful questions in our ordinary, daily conversations. Powerful questions have the ability to unlock potential that lies deep within members of your team or staff. Asking them is like letting down a bucket into a well to draw out water. The more skilled you are at asking them, the more “water” you can draw out.

There are a number of “do’s” when trying to ask powerful questions. Here are four simple ones.

1. Ask open-ended questions. This style of question allows the person to take the conversation in any direction they wish. It puts them in the driver’s seat and is very empowering. Open-ended questions usually begin with words like “What,” “How,” “Who” or “When.” Here are some examples of questions I often use in discussions with leaders.

• What makes that important to you?
• What is your ideal outcome?
• How would you start the ball rolling?
• What is your role in this situation?

2. Ask timely, relevant questions. This requires that you do the first part of the equation – intentional, active listening. Asking well-timed questions lets the speaker know that you are, indeed, listening and often has the powerful effect of forwarding the conversation – i.e. taking their idea or solution in its raw form, moving it forward, and bringing it more fully into shape. I remember a time that my wife called me with a pressing issue while I was at work. I was trying to meet a deadline on a project and at one point realized that I had completely zoned out on Andrea. I decided to ask a question to “show I was listening”. As the question came out of my mouth there was silence on the other end of the phone. She finally responded with “You weren’t listening to a thing I said.” The question had not been timely. It had not been relevant. And it proved to her that I had not been listening and not only did it not forward the conversation, it effectively killed it.

3. Allow for, and be comfortable with, silence. Many of us are not comfortable with silence. There is this sense that when there is silence in a conversation something is wrong. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Silence, in this case, usually means the other person is processing and formulating thoughts. That has the potential to bring tremendous value. That silence is truly golden. Powerful questions are often followed by silence.

4. Withhold judgment. I am not asking you to go along with ideas that you think are inappropriate or ineffective. However, many of us have a tendency to jump to conclusions. Let me encourage you to practice withholding judgment until you have asked enough questions. If the idea is as bad as you think, asking questions will often allow the other person to arrive at that conclusion for themselves. This assumes you are working with competent people.

Using the two skills of intentional, active listening and asking powerful questions will undoubtedly take your relationships at work (and at home), and your leadership, to completely new levels. I have personally experienced that transformation and so can you. It takes practice and persistence to master these skills, but mastery is within reach if you will make the commitment to achieving it.

Next week, I will be talking about the types of questions to avoid; the kinds of questions that will have a significant negative impact on your conversations.

Question: What is one powerful question you could ask a team member today that could help build the relationship? Share your answer on in the Comment section.

Seize the day!